Recently, I found myself in a place of life that I was in 3 years ago.
A slew of events and circumstances which were disrupted by the pandemic left me in a place which caused me to question myself and clouded my identity.
Am I perceived to be successful at my work, now that I am working remotely?
What are others thinking about me at work?
When are things returning to normal, or adapting to the new normal?
Are my family safe, even though they are vaccinated?
How can I help my friends and family who are affected by the pandemic?
Am I doing enough?
Am I good enough?
Am I enough?…
Those are a mere sample of questions that would run through my mind at 3 A.M while staring at the ceiling with my eyes wide open, seeking answers to these questions. Evidently, these voices have resulted in seemingly endless stress, anxiety, fear and restlessness.
All my life, I was told to be strong and resilient to weather through these storms, and to “tough it out”, on my own. My culture and environment have trained me very well to bottle up any pains or troubles under my smile that I masquerade around.
But how long can masks stay on? How long? I lamented quietly in my heart.
One evening, as I was going through my photo albums, I scrolled through my photos of my trip to a redwood forest national park in California, 3 years ago. When I was consumed by anxiety and worries of the future, and life’s crossroads, clouded with questions. And as I was sitting by the creek during my hike through the redwoods, God rebuked my heart: Quiet! Be still! (Mark 4:39)
My heart rested, and at that moment, I felt that I could breathe, again. Even though I’m in the storm, I could rest in His sovereign hands, and I’m going through the storm, with Him in my vessel.
Did God takeaway the troubles or change my circumstances? No.
But what changed was my heart. He reaffirmed His faithfulness in my heart.
No matter what we are going through, He is the sovereign God that is in control of all things. And I know that I can rest in that truth.
As I go along in this journey, I constantly remind myself of His truths and to allow the prayers to change my heart daily and knowing that He is faithful, and He is with us.
From a hymn that we sing on Sundays:
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be
Great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me
I do not know what you are going through right now but know that it is totally okay to feel and acknowledge what you are going through and bring it to Him. He is faithful, compassionate and we can be assured to rest in His loving arms, amid the storms that we are going through right now.
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